dirty golf quotes

If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Because you got me soaking wet. He was perfecting his swing. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? Your email address will not be published. Boo. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. Keep your head down. 5. How many strokes was that? 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Basketball is a sport for black men. How do you know you should be a golfer? On a golf course, nature is neutered. Two, be your own person. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Drop some in the comments! We share them in our weekly newsletter. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Spread your legs a little more. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Do you know why the game is called golf? Why did the golfer have to change his socks? It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. I stepped on a rake.". Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Sawdust City LLC. -Bob Hope Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. It can be rewarding. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. the flag cant jump. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. 700 Golf Humor | Cartoons ideas | golf humor, golf, humor - Pinterest Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram Bye Bye Birdie. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. clubs. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". You shot an eight. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . I`m really worried about myself. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Required fields are marked *. About 160 yards was his reply. Toggle Navigation Menu . Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. when we were married," said the pouting wife. 20. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Mini Golf Captions. 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. When is it too wet to play golf? I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. One minute youre bleeding. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. ~ Sijin Bt. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); 86+ Funny Golf Quotes | Free HD Images & Pictures Download Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? He said. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". What do golf and sex share in common? I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Its just really hard to play. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. 1. The guys who come Knock, knock I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. If you drink, dont drive. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". My caddy says I should use a hard 7. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? 4. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. The Dalai Lama himself. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Why do golfers hate cake? So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? Golf?! The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. Is everything okay?. Thats incredible. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. 13 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. 5. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Andy. Why not! Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Play golf. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Does a bear crap in the woods? When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Get in the hole! What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. He attacks it. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Have fun. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Golf is more complicated than that. 21. Eight. Dirt your body. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Peter Jacobson, 33. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. 1. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. Golf is like doing your taxes. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. The lowest score wins. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Your email address will not be published. ~ Victor Hugo. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? 4. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Missed the ball and sank the divot. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Always keep learning. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Ben Hogan. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. A fan in the crowd said Mr. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation Hit the ball. It can be difficult. Are you into kinky stuff? I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Sam Snead. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. You are signed up for our newsletter! 8. Where is the best place to go on vacation? 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. -Lee Trevino You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. Your fifth putt. 5. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. I chipped in from the rough! Because subtraction speaks louder than words. I've got some good news. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. "Hockey is a sport for white men. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. but I can show you what is! We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Happy Gilmore. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Knock, knock 3. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Please add a link to this site. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. And now it will be poisoned for you. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. 21 FUNNIEST Golf Jokes 2023 (with Puts and Puns) - Jokes Quotes Factory Wodehouse, 31. My three keys to success: One, work hard. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. I give the ball some sweet talk. had to choose, right ? Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Noah who? To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. 19. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Watch their eyes. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. It bends a little to the left. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? How far do you hit it? said Palmer. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. 350 Best Golf Quotes ideas | golf quotes, golf, golf humor - Pinterest Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. 4. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Because her coach was a pumpkin. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. 1. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Because he walked into the wrong club! Any birdie will do. What does a golfer do on his day off? 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Jim Murray. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Such is the game. Are you looking for some funny jokes? "Golf is my profession. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Noah. Your email address will not be published. So, what are your thoughts? Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Clubbing. course sometime. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. 3 of 10. Enjoy! Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! If we . document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Their expectation, however, is very different. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. All of them. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Tiagra. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. P.G. Your second mental problem is concentration.

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