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Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to scoop the ashes back into the urn] Lord, forgive me if I come up a foot short! Harriette Winslow: So Oona how are things in Altoona? Steve Urkel: I have to tell you, Mr. Winslow. Would you reward me with a kiss? "Nubbles Sucks Face with Nerd!". Because check this out buddy, you're alone. Laura Lee Winslow: Fun? You don't sleep, you don't have nightmares. Harriette Winslow: But, apparently, you seem to want to learn these things the hard way, so be it. Oh, gentle Romeo, if thou doth love, pronounce it faithfully. So go ahead, FIRE ME! Then, you broke my car, and it cost me every cent I got to fix it and rent this "delightful" room here at the "Fleabag Inn". Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Laura Lee Winslow: [Faces Ty] Steve is my brother? Laura: Yeah, every time I used the bug spray. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to Officer Wigglesworth as played by Carl] We're on the same side of the law. I can't even tell her it won't ever happen again! I-I-I see. Steve Urkel: Don't we remind you of The Temptations? Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, why can't you manage money like your brother, Steve? Our limo awaits. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah, I went to sleep and Stevil made a guest appearance. With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. And, I just wanted to wish you good luck. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: From my stay away fund- every year all my relatives send me money and hope that I won't visit them. Eddie: Oh no, I forgot all about the car show. . Steve Urkel: I just called my uncle at the Pentagon. No. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. [the car breaks down. So to see if he can find the best, Steve challenged a few men to put their usuals to the test!SUBSCRIBE to get t. Eddie swoops in and starts taking pictures]. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! Ms. Steuben: [after seeing Waldo's assignment] Waldo, this is superior work. Bushwhacker Luke: Me and me brother, we hate cops! In fact, they finally introduced me to my grandparents. Harriette Winslow: What's wrong with that? Steve Urkel: Did I mention my dad knows Wayne Newton? Steve Urkel: [Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo? A spin-off of Perfect Strangers, the series revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago, Illinois. Robber: [threatens Steve] You! Harriette Winslow: Not as rough as Aunt Clotilda. Big guys have never played keep away with your hat on a cold day. Carl Otis Winslow: There was an E.Coli scale in the chocolate and I tasted a few to make sure the box was safe. Overall, Steve's good intentions trump his flaws and give the audience a plethora of laughs every time he comes onscreen and says, "Did I do that?" Without Steve Urkel, Family Matters would have been overlooked as just another TGIF Friday night comedy show. [strikes a pose] Laura? You have the right to have an attorney present. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? I wouldn't know what to charge. Steve Urkel: [sobbing] In about a week or so, but she gonna have to miss the prom. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I know that I'm not worthy of you, but I just can't help loving you. Your father waited at the Box Office for an hour. Upload. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [nervous laughter] Great Wedding, huh dad. It is always tomorrow with that boy. There's room for you and there's room for me although let's be quite honest, you take up a lot more room than me. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Yup. When I look in your eyes, I see a very kind soul. I wanna take it home and read it to my mom. Harriette Winslow: [Opens the candy box] Candy missing. Weel Good Lord man, she's an overnight success story. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Steve as Stefan] Steve? Verbs are our friends. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority! While a miserable Eddie has to play checkers with Steve. Steve Urkel: I had my first allergy attack when I was nine. Get down from there! Stefan Urkelle: Wake me, shake me, break me, but baby, don't forsake me. Harriette Winslow: Carl, those are my personal and private thoughts. This is fantastic! Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, who are all these kids? Stop the music! [He leaves the house]. It was your free safety. Cassie Lynn: But, it's a lie! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's that? Hey, wait a minute. Steve Urkel: Swell, Punch! Carl Otis Winslow: He's trouble. Carl Otis Winslow: Better, I locked him up. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward Arthur Winslow, son I'm ashamed of you. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I feel so safe in Raoul's strong arms I love him soo much and I sorta like Carl. Eddie: [after he has heard her quickly renouncing her love for him] Myrtle, what's my life going to be like without you in it? When's the last time you slept? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, no thanks, I went before I left. Laura Lee Winslow: What you did for me tonight was really special. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Eddie] Man, they didn't even know who we were. Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. Steve Urkel: [while Laura and Maxine hit Steve with two Boston Cream Pies] No, AAH!, WAAAH! Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. Carl: Son, I am no neophyte when it comes to electronics. Harriette Winslow: [enters the house and sees Curtis] Hi. Carl Otis Winslow: How about if I convince Laura to go out on a date with you. Instead of cool, it was set on Nerd. He just told you to get lost. Now I know, I'm not worthy of you- but I love you more now then I did then- Laura Lee Winslow- will you marry me? Forget it, Steve. He woke me up too. Steve Urkel: Why, sure! I'm in this class. Aunt Oona: Well not good, my kitchen exploded. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, they applauded when we left. Rachel Crawford: Steve!, Steve! [Steve and Carl are playing Gin Rummy when an infuriated, Eddie and Laura come into the house.]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so tight! Harriette Winslow: And you meant every word 8 years ago. Would you care to heal them with a kiss? Steve Urkel: [about the music video] This is going to be the biggest bomb since Howard the Duck. Urkel pronouns are the best. Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Eddie: No, grandma. Waldo: Cheating it wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. Steve Urkel: I have a spectacular evening planned! [Notices Maxine & Laura left the living room] Well, I thought it was a good story. It's either a number or a letter! But our little town only had ONE library, and it was for whites only. Laura and Judy, divide up the rest between Barbie doll fans and Lego lovers and get them upstairs too! [leaves]. right next to the bathroom. Steve Urkel: Oh, I'd better lock it then! My, what strong arms. They help move along our sentences. 89. It's always tomorrow with that boy! So, if I tell him I don't remember him, I'll look like a jerk and I still won't remember him. Steve Urkel: The woman's been flirting with me. Why would anybody want to kill her? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley. Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. Steve Urkel: [collecting] Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't live like this. Harriette: Judy, finish your Brussels sprouts. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. I just caught her, that's all. Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. You don't want to get fried. I mean the guy's a feeb. Eddo. Laura: She didn't need a hairstylist, she needs a fairy godmother! Steve Urkel: I know! [music abruptly stops] Look at yourselves. Laura: Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. Gosh I bet that's never happened before. Carl: Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead? Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Steve Urkel: [opens the back door] Surprise. Carl Otis Winslow: [Gasps] Why of all the low down Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Calm down, Carl. Carl Otis Winslow: I do not and keep your voice down the neighbors might hear you. [Handing out] Menu, menu, menu, menu, menu. Carl Otis Winslow: That boy is Looney Tunes. Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [Stands up] Dad, I'm not implying. Steve Urkel: L-long enough to get i-icicles on my nose hair Look! Laura Lee Winslow: [as Laura Wigglesworth, pointing a gun at Johnny] The narration to finish! Carl: I sure hope so because I'm wearing his underwear. Anybody have more punch? Waldo: I can't talk to girls. Carl Otis Winslow: Only 2 of them were his. Steve Urkel: Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! I mean we've made contributions to this country for over 300 years, but you wouldn't know it looking at most history books, it's not fair. Carl Otis Winslow: Alright Harriette, you were a liiiiiiiittle abrasive tonight. Pick-up lines get a bad rap for being cheesy and cringe-worthy, but if you start your conversation with the right dose of interest and humor, you may end up scoring a date or a number. Eddie: Dad you embarrassed me in front of my friends. Waldo: Man, they didn't even know who we were. I was on the bus on the way to day camp when all of a sudden my eyes started to water and I started coughing up all this green stuff. Laura: Steve, you're supposed to cook those! Steve Urkel: Ms Steuben, you taught Laura to slow down and stop taking short cuts. Oh, the room is spinning. Did you know an African American helped design the blueprint for Washington, D.C.? He's fanning his hace with a plate as Eddie walks in]. Laura Lee Winslow: No surprise visits from Steve Urkel. Urkel defeats him]. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. Get me a cherry slurpy! This could be an emergency and I'm not even dressed yet! SUBSCRIBE to get the latest. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I was thinking you could help me during the test. I may get a B. Laura: Dad, this is serious. Can you carry me home? Was I about to take the Big Sleep? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Would you shut your filthy mouth! At a party, once, he clamped cables to his earlobes and jump-started a Volkswagen. We'll go camping together some other time. [Steve is in the kitchen recovering from Laura and her sock stuffed b*obs. You are under arrest! And then there was the time we went camping and we were in dyer need of a generator and we just plugged the toaster into Uncle Elijah and the Pop Tarts were flying. [Eddie groans as Carl walks in to brighten his mood], [Eddie leaves with Carl to hang out with him. From 1989 to 1998 (via IMDb ), White . Carl and Eddie are also shocked too]. And to top it all off you gave me an old card that I already have. urkel-steve. Steve Urkel: I've fallen and I can't get up! Pretty girl, dark hair your sister for God's sake! I promised grandma I'd help her get ready. Laura Lee Winslow: Did you get any sleep? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: L means lousy. [laughs]. I'm being rejected in my own fantasy. Harriette: Yep, they were yelling at each other and bumping bellies. Harriette Winslow: Oh no no no. Laura Lee Winslow: [Laura grabs Steve and his clone on their ears] Okay, let's take a moment and figure out what we learned here. That's the last time I do anything for anybody in this house. Carl: I'll tell you what's sad Harriette, I've watched two full hours of the "Bridges Of Madison County" and Clint didn't blow up one bridge! Sorry I'm late, but I got my tongue stuck in the printing press. Bazooms! I'm a person, and I have feelings, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I'm missing the parade. Laura Lee Winslow: Does shag carpet also make you crazy? Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow oh [guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]. Steve who? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss]. Rachel Crawford: When the paramedics got there, they thought SIXTY-SEVEN people had died! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll have you know, I'm not in Italy. Sure, it may cover your hiney, but if you make a habit of it, you've got a serious problem. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, I was steamed, I didn't want to do something I'll regret. Harriette: [sobbing] Clint is driving off and Meryl will never see him again!
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